Last Year to New Year

Well I haven't been posting things in this blog for a while.. I don't think people would want to read my post. haha ^^ this blog is kinda like an open diary of mine.. It's about what I think and sometimes what I do.. its about what I feel.. and for 2011... it has been >>

its been bad~~ real bad~~ and the bad still goes on to now~ friends.. trust... what is it all about? haha ^^ blind faith.. kinda like playing darts blindfolded..

things I wanna blog about are things that are disappointments to for me until today. And on the list is: about friend.. as I said before... the house... this topic also relate with friends..... trust... also relate with friend... untrue.... And the of myself... yes I am a big dissapointment to myself... add 1 more topic for the quitting of work.

So I guess about the house, to make it simple, I feel like an outsider and unwanted... Well.. The story: I wanted my own space without bothers from unwanted people... long story short: So me and a friend moved to a rented room with a friend and had problems with the owner then we moved to a house.. Then actually I got the feel of being a boss when I am not.. It felt great.. haha ^^ ..that was in 2010.. it was like that until mid year of 2011... I know I don't have the authority to be bossy but it felt great.. Yeah I am a bad bad person... I curse myself :-p

well anyway now I lost the privilege to roam free in the house... I feel like I need to get permission to do lots of things here.. for example, use the computer to play games or whatever... haha ^^ I had to use someone elses note book to blog :-p ...

another thing is: I had to move my stuff because the space is not mine anymore... I guess it never was mine.. I do feel like nothing is mine... probably because nothings is really mine... dido, white flag? :-p ...

New topic now.. haha ^^

So the topic now is disappointment, lost of trust, and sarcastic talking... this are all the things the very closest friend of my did... well I guess what I am blogging about isn't fair because I was being a sick selfish sonava for a long long time to him and everyone else in the world.. so sad~ .. moving on. to join disappointment, lost of trust, and sarcastic talking in to a sentence, I would say: Its a disappointment because of the sarcastic talking made the lost of trust for me to him.. sorry for the bad English.. I'm a goat. >:-3

Well.. my trust in him is getting thinner and thinner... and I know his trust in me is getting thinner and thinner also... we don't talk much now because I guess maybe because I don't talk as much to him as I used to because we have been busy with our own new friends... But then it disappoint me when he starts to talk in a sarcastic way to me... where is the talking truly and directly? ... it makes me think that he is not the person I though he was... maybe speaking truly is not the person he is... maybe he had to be truly to me before because he had to adjust himself to me... restraints.. the word fake comes up to mind.. well I guess we all are fake... I am fake too... Nothing is true? there is no truth? ... lies~~.... well then it makes it I guess because... maybe... I'm a fake sunova.. I guess.. hard to swallow the truth? hard to accept.. ?

But the last thought I had was its better to be hated for who you are than loved for that you are not... I really hate it when people don't understand me and say I stupid for doing things that I do.. and I really hate it also when people do stuff that I don't understand because I think its stupid.. sometimes I talk bad about them and start to quarrel.. but I hate it the most when people fake and lies...

It don't bother me much when strangers lie or fake.. but when my closest friend that I feel like my family talk sarcastically, or be silent, .. I loathe it... so where that family now in my heart? .. I don't know...

Hei and I quit my job in 2011.. did u know?? I didn't even reach 2 years of working.. I am so stupid. :-P such a disappointment