I'm 23 and turning 24 later May. I've live a quarter time of human lives. Still I don't understand life. Are we created to live and suffer until we die? I've lived almost 24 years but I've never truly known happiness. Is happiness just a myth that is just supposed to be pursued but not reached? Is there goodness that humans lay down to this earth? Is god even real? God created everything. God created us and all the goodness, badness within us. We are suffering now in earth but we shall suffer even more after life. God created me so he created the thought in my mind to think this. But it is a sin to think like this. I've been planted the thought that I would go to hell after life. But it is still a quarter hell in my life. Seeing things that god make me wants. Trying to not want it but can't help it. Want it real bad and as I try to get, I was shot down. Dead but not dead. Crying and frustrated, I throw everything I see. I hurt everyone I love. Still knowing they don't love me. Life is pain but dying is not prohibited. The pain I feel now is more than the pain of a knife cutting through my skin and flesh.